Lips and pieces : Vendicari

Wow, this sign is a bit scary and so is Italian traffic!

After a year of living here (OMG!) I've only just recently started to venture into the city by car on my own and just because I can't take the fact that I'm not fully independent any more. Sadly, you need a car to move around here since public transport is nearly nonexistent and cycling is too dangerous, to say the least.

I compiled a list of non-written rules that apply on these roads, should you ever have to visit this wonderful land...enjoy the ride :-)

#1 Never, ever, drive at a speed under 100km/h. If you break, you lose.

#2 In city roads, you're allowed to drive under the 100km/h mark but again, never respect the speed limit and always drive at at least, 20km above that limit.

#3 If in doubt, just do it. Whatever it is.

#4 Never let anyone know of your intentions. Turn right, turn left, brake in the middle of the motorway and decide to do a U-turn, whatever takes your fancy; the important part is to keep the drivers behind you on their toes. What's that little flashing light for anyway?

#5 If you're to join the fast lane traffic from a side road and you have a 'yield' or 'stop' sign, make sure you approach at full speed until you're side to side with the cars on the fast lane, then slow down and possibly brake. What else, apart from coffee, would keep the other drivers awake otherwise?

#6 Even if the road is clear for kilometers on end, make sure you drive right behind the car in front of you, no excuses. Before you overtake, bug the bugger for a while; honk, swear in annoyance, swerve aggressively and then, only then, maybe, overtake. You can possibly slow down after that and stay in front of the said car, depends on whether you're in a playful mood or not.

#7 If you see 2 cars coming your way and only 1 of them is on their lane, move away to the side, keep calm and carry on. Don't worry whether this happens when you're approaching a curve or the line on the ground is continuous. The lower the visibility, the better. Word.

#8 Multitask. As soon as you get into your car, light a cigarette, start a phone call and go your way. And by 'your way' I mean, whichever way you prefer. The more things you can do at the same time, the better; I mean, what better time than this to call someone for the umpteenth time on any given day?

#9 Park anywhere you like, anytime, it's only a minute anyway (that is, unless you bump into your whole family and group of friends). Make sure you park in diagonal and take up a fair bit of space though, so the other cars feel like they're in a video-game and have to avoid crashing while they drive in the city at high speed.

#10 If you're a pedestrian and you have to cross the road, open your car doors, push a pram, accompany an elder to the other side etc. do it this way: hold the approaching driver's gaze until he/she thinks you're waiting for them to pass; at the last nanosecond, stop eye contact and do whatever you had in mind. When it's dark and there's not pedestrian crossing or traffic lights, you get double points. If you manage to make the driver leave a wheel mark on the road, triple. It's a win-win.

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Well, apparently this is not the worse place I get told, so I shouldn't be complaining really. What do you think? :-)

On a lighter note, below are some pictures of a day out for my birthday, a couple of weeks ago